Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Love the world you find.


Ben
Originally uploaded by dogs & music

I can't begin to express how much I love the Flaming Lips' song "Love the World You Find". The first time I heard it it made me cry big fat tears of happiness. Now that I have a child it means even more to me. I can't wait until Benjamin understands the meaning behind the lyrics. They are so simple and beautiful and comforting in complicated times.

"You don't know what you're becoming
Who knows what you're going to be
We don't know where we're going
We don't know because we can't see

If I could tell your future
I'd say love the world you find
In the dark times and the hard questions
Let some sunshine in your mind

Sun is rising
I think that's good
Just now realizing
Some things you never thought you would"



Things are moving along smoothly for our little family. Thom is out of town for a little while and at first I thought I might have a meltdown doing it all by myself. I quickly realized that being alone with Benjamin has been a sweet blessing. We nap when we feel like napping, we go to bed soon after the sun and breast-feeding has been going better and better everyday. I feel like I have been given this time to form a special bond with him. On the breast-feeding side of things, I've actually been diagnosed with Raynaud's Phenomenon. That's right, a phenomenon! The midwife who diagnosed me feels that it might be a giant part of why I have been experiencing so much pain. If you're interested in what the heck it is, here is a great link http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/nipple-blanching.html.
I also think that as we work with Benjamin to overcome his dysphagia and as he (and his mouth) get bigger, things are just getting easier. I'm still not confident in my ability to provide all the milk he needs so I have gone back on some meds and Fenugreek to help reestablish my milk supply and I'm supplementing with formula when I feel like he hasn't been satiated. I keep wanting to give myself the goal of exclusively breast-feeding him by Christmas but I've learned to let go of the planning and deadline setting. It always causes me more anxiety than it should (what doesn't?).

Benjamin is becoming more and more alert and aware and his sweet little personality is starting to shine. He smiles so big and even giggled a few times in his sleep. He practices his conversation skills by "talking' with me in little coos and gaaahs. I feel so lucky to have such a beautiful family.